That Was Her, This is Me

Sometimes I'm amazed at the conversations I have with people. I go through my day, chatting with someone, then all of a sudden our conversation turns deep and I'm blown away at what I discover. I think it just reminds me that there is so much more to a person than what we may see on the outside. You never know what pain a person is hiding beneath their smile.

I had a conversation recently with someone I know. He was telling me about his views on relationships and what he's looking for right now. He explained that he doesn't want to pursue women anymore. He's tired of giving everything to someone only for them to try and make him out to be the bad person because of her own insecurities. Because of this, he's afraid to open up to a women for fear of investing in someone who's gonna let him down again. He told me a couple stories about past girlfriends who have mistreated him. I couldn't believe some of the things he said! Liars, cheaters, maipulators...what happened to all the good girls?

This man opening himself up to me made me realize we have a lot in common. Clearly, I haven't had the best luck with men keeping their word either. Unfortunately, I've been lied to, cheated on, abused physically and mentally, and manipulated. Shoot, one guy had me fooled for over 3 1/2 years! After everything I've been through, I'm sometimes concerned about how well I'm going to trust the next man in my life. I worry that I'll be too cautious and put up a wall. But maybe because I'm aware of this possibility, I can be proactive in not building a wall.

After talking with this man, I realized it's going to take time for him to trust me. I'm going to have to take it day by day and slowly build that relationship. I'm not sure what he's looking for as far as proof that I'm worth it. My fear is that I'm gonna have to work my butt off to prove that I'm not like other girls. Then I think "Do I really want to try and PROVE to someone that I'm worth it? Shouldn't he know that on his own?" I'm just really tired of trying to convince someone that he wants to be with me. I've done that most of my life, especially the last 3 1/2 years.

"That was her, this is me.
We are differnt as can be.
She and I are nothing alike,
You're confusing day with night.
That was then, this is now.
You wanna trust me but you don't know how.
I'm never gonna mess around, let ya down.
Can't you see?
That was her, this is me."