Thursday, December 27, 2012
Funny teaching story of the day:
During my third period class I gave my students time to work on their study guide for their big test on Wednesday. One of my boys asked to go to the bathroom. A few minutes later another teacher is walking him back to my classroom. Apparently he was texting a girl so they could meet up outside the bathroom to make out. I told him he lost his bathroom privileges for my class and that he was to sit down. Not two minutes later I catch him texting on his phone. I confiscated his phone and put it in my desk. Next period it started vibrating in my drawer. I looked to see who it was and discovered another student sending texts like "Hey Ms. Kennedy" and multiple missed phone calls. I guess this student thought it'd be funny to send these messages to cause a disturbance. Genius he is, he didn't realize his name would come up on the phone. Armed with proof he was texting during school, I promptly looked up his schedule, went to his classroom, and confiscated his phone as well. Silly kids thinking they can outsmart me, hah!
Enough is Enough
What a roller coaster my life is. One day I'm doing pretty well, moving on with my life. Then the next day I get knocked back down and I'm struggling again. Ever since I removed Jeff from my list of friends on Facebook and Foursquare I've done so much better. I just couldn't handle seeing everything he did and knowing where he was all the time. The first time I saw a check-in with a comment about another girl being there my heart sank. That was the final nail in the coffin for me. So I removed him and I was doing really well. I've been talking to other guys and even hanging out with some :] But then this weekend happened...
I went to church on Sunday not prepared for what was about to happen. I walked into the sanctuary late and saw that Jeff was already sitting down...with a new girl next to him. I knew right away that she was his new girlfriend. I started shaking and hyperventilating as I walked to my seat three rows in front of them. A million thoughts ran through my head. "Did they see me? Does she know who I am. Did he tell her about what happened at all?" Unfortunately, I didn't hear a word our pastor said because I was so distracted. As soon as service was over I made a beeline for the door. I didn't want to see them. But wouldn't you know it? Jeff, Brian, and this girl all walked out of their pew right in front of me. (I think it was on purpose, Jeff never goes out that exit) She linked her arm in his and I felt a physical pain go through my chest. I walked quickly ahead of them and jumped in my car so he couldn't see me crying. Needless to say, I will not be going back to that service. I'll be going to the service just before so I don't ever have to see him and her together, or him alone, ever again.
That in and of itself sucked. Then on Christmas Day, I was thumbing through some of my mom's pictures on Facebook. I accidentally found pictures of Jeff and I from last Thanksgiving and, again, I broke down. Honestly, it ruined my evening. I had to text a few friends to help me through. Thank goodness I have such wonderful friends in my life who are willing to encourage me when I'm struggling.
I'm going to a wedding on Saturday and I'm nervous how I'm going to react. I made sure to invite a friend for support, but I still think I'm going to be extremely emotional most of the day, not because I want Jeff but because I want the love I thought we had. I want that love with someone who deserves it, with someone who is worth it, with someone who isn't a coward. I've finally gotten to the point where I can truly see that Jeff isn't worth it because I deserve someone who WANTS to marry me. It shouldn't have been so easy for him to throw our relationship away. The fact he tossed me aside inside of a month after 3 1/2 years proves that his love wasn't real. I deserve someone who is going to stick with me through thick and thin, someone I don't have to convince to stay with me. Until then, God is more than enough for me.
I went to church on Sunday not prepared for what was about to happen. I walked into the sanctuary late and saw that Jeff was already sitting down...with a new girl next to him. I knew right away that she was his new girlfriend. I started shaking and hyperventilating as I walked to my seat three rows in front of them. A million thoughts ran through my head. "Did they see me? Does she know who I am. Did he tell her about what happened at all?" Unfortunately, I didn't hear a word our pastor said because I was so distracted. As soon as service was over I made a beeline for the door. I didn't want to see them. But wouldn't you know it? Jeff, Brian, and this girl all walked out of their pew right in front of me. (I think it was on purpose, Jeff never goes out that exit) She linked her arm in his and I felt a physical pain go through my chest. I walked quickly ahead of them and jumped in my car so he couldn't see me crying. Needless to say, I will not be going back to that service. I'll be going to the service just before so I don't ever have to see him and her together, or him alone, ever again.
That in and of itself sucked. Then on Christmas Day, I was thumbing through some of my mom's pictures on Facebook. I accidentally found pictures of Jeff and I from last Thanksgiving and, again, I broke down. Honestly, it ruined my evening. I had to text a few friends to help me through. Thank goodness I have such wonderful friends in my life who are willing to encourage me when I'm struggling.
I'm going to a wedding on Saturday and I'm nervous how I'm going to react. I made sure to invite a friend for support, but I still think I'm going to be extremely emotional most of the day, not because I want Jeff but because I want the love I thought we had. I want that love with someone who deserves it, with someone who is worth it, with someone who isn't a coward. I've finally gotten to the point where I can truly see that Jeff isn't worth it because I deserve someone who WANTS to marry me. It shouldn't have been so easy for him to throw our relationship away. The fact he tossed me aside inside of a month after 3 1/2 years proves that his love wasn't real. I deserve someone who is going to stick with me through thick and thin, someone I don't have to convince to stay with me. Until then, God is more than enough for me.
Monday, December 3, 2012
That Was Her, This is Me
Sometimes I'm amazed at the conversations I have with people. I go through my day, chatting with someone, then all of a sudden our conversation turns deep and I'm blown away at what I discover. I think it just reminds me that there is so much more to a person than what we may see on the outside. You never know what pain a person is hiding beneath their smile.
I had a conversation recently with someone I know. He was telling me about his views on relationships and what he's looking for right now. He explained that he doesn't want to pursue women anymore. He's tired of giving everything to someone only for them to try and make him out to be the bad person because of her own insecurities. Because of this, he's afraid to open up to a women for fear of investing in someone who's gonna let him down again. He told me a couple stories about past girlfriends who have mistreated him. I couldn't believe some of the things he said! Liars, cheaters, maipulators...what happened to all the good girls?
This man opening himself up to me made me realize we have a lot in common. Clearly, I haven't had the best luck with men keeping their word either. Unfortunately, I've been lied to, cheated on, abused physically and mentally, and manipulated. Shoot, one guy had me fooled for over 3 1/2 years! After everything I've been through, I'm sometimes concerned about how well I'm going to trust the next man in my life. I worry that I'll be too cautious and put up a wall. But maybe because I'm aware of this possibility, I can be proactive in not building a wall.
After talking with this man, I realized it's going to take time for him to trust me. I'm going to have to take it day by day and slowly build that relationship. I'm not sure what he's looking for as far as proof that I'm worth it. My fear is that I'm gonna have to work my butt off to prove that I'm not like other girls. Then I think "Do I really want to try and PROVE to someone that I'm worth it? Shouldn't he know that on his own?" I'm just really tired of trying to convince someone that he wants to be with me. I've done that most of my life, especially the last 3 1/2 years.
"That was her, this is me.
We are differnt as can be.
She and I are nothing alike,
You're confusing day with night.
That was then, this is now.
You wanna trust me but you don't know how.
I'm never gonna mess around, let ya down.
Can't you see?
That was her, this is me."
I had a conversation recently with someone I know. He was telling me about his views on relationships and what he's looking for right now. He explained that he doesn't want to pursue women anymore. He's tired of giving everything to someone only for them to try and make him out to be the bad person because of her own insecurities. Because of this, he's afraid to open up to a women for fear of investing in someone who's gonna let him down again. He told me a couple stories about past girlfriends who have mistreated him. I couldn't believe some of the things he said! Liars, cheaters, maipulators...what happened to all the good girls?
This man opening himself up to me made me realize we have a lot in common. Clearly, I haven't had the best luck with men keeping their word either. Unfortunately, I've been lied to, cheated on, abused physically and mentally, and manipulated. Shoot, one guy had me fooled for over 3 1/2 years! After everything I've been through, I'm sometimes concerned about how well I'm going to trust the next man in my life. I worry that I'll be too cautious and put up a wall. But maybe because I'm aware of this possibility, I can be proactive in not building a wall.
After talking with this man, I realized it's going to take time for him to trust me. I'm going to have to take it day by day and slowly build that relationship. I'm not sure what he's looking for as far as proof that I'm worth it. My fear is that I'm gonna have to work my butt off to prove that I'm not like other girls. Then I think "Do I really want to try and PROVE to someone that I'm worth it? Shouldn't he know that on his own?" I'm just really tired of trying to convince someone that he wants to be with me. I've done that most of my life, especially the last 3 1/2 years.
"That was her, this is me.
We are differnt as can be.
She and I are nothing alike,
You're confusing day with night.
That was then, this is now.
You wanna trust me but you don't know how.
I'm never gonna mess around, let ya down.
Can't you see?
That was her, this is me."
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