I was completely content with my life, who was in it, and where I was going. In fact, it was everything I've always wanted and I couldn't believe God's plans and mine lined up so perfectly. Then it happened...One day everything fell apart and I didn't know what to do. The shattered remnants of my life surrounded me and I had no idea where to go next. I clung onto what truth I had, and pushed my way through the muck. I finally got myself through the worst of it. I still had days when I ran into sadness, but I persevered. I started making plans for this new path I was on, my plan B. I felt really pulled to teach overseas and leave everything I knew behind. Lately I haven't felt that same pull on my heart. Do you think it's possible God calls us to do something simply to see if we will be obedient; not to actually have us do it? I think He may have done that for me. I finally gave in to God and said "Okay, I'll go. Where do you want me?". Now I feel like God is saying "Don't worry, I'm not really calling you to that life. I just wanted to make sure you'd follow me if I called."
Then out of nowhere, God threw me another curve ball! I will say I'm thoroughly impressed on God's part and I'm very pleased with where I think this is going. I want so bad to be really really happy, but that's still a little premature. I have so many questions and so many thoughts running through my head. I'm hopeful, but moving forward with caution. I hate being scared with things like this, especially with people I love so much. If I trust them, shouldn't I have no fear? If the fear is there, do I really trust them still? I mean, some trust was definitely lost, but enough to bring in fear? Perhaps. At this point I'm just sitting back and letting things happen as they will. It's not my turn to make my move, so I will patiently wait until my time comes. In the mean time, I'm just trying to keep my emotions in check. I have a tendency to get ahead of myself and let my emotions take over. I can't do that this time. I have to keep my head clear and my heart focused. I'm not the type of girl who keeps making the same mistakes. Luckily, I never thought you were a mistake. For the record...I forgive you.
You broke my heart. You walked away, even when I turned back and asked if you were really sure this is what had to be done. I would do anything in the world to make you happy. If that includes not having me in your life then I’ll sit on the sidelines and watch as you take the world by storm. I can’t do anything, not even breathe, without thinking of you and your absence. But, just so you know, I forgive you for every hurt you’ve caused during this time; because I love you. I want you to be happy with all my heart. If you ever decide that you can be happy with me again then I’ll be right here waiting for you. Exactly where you last saw me.
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