I'm A Working Girl Now!

I had an interview yesterday at a preschool called Abacus Early Learning Center. After a ton of anxiety and a long wait time, I got the job. It's a full time teaching position with kids who are about four years old. There are younger children in the building that I will probably be helping out with occassionally, but overall, I'm going to have my own classroom!!!! I've always loved the older children so I never imagined that I'd go the complete opposite direction and teach preschool kids. However, it's a full time job in my field right out of college. It doesn't pay as much as I'd prefer, but it's still a paycheck; AND I don't have any bills yet so even what it does pay is more than enough for me to live off of. Now I just have to get into the habit of putting at least 5% of each check into savings and not going on shopping sprees, ha-ha. I'm just so excited to have a real adult job and be able to be a real person who can pay for things again. No one likes being a broke college kid :] This summer is going to bring a lot of changes and I'm looking forward to starting down that road.

Look at Me

I would bet my life like I bet my heart,
That you were the one baby.
I've never been so sure of anything before.
You're driving my heart crazy.

I can't hold out.
I can't hold back now,
Like i've done before.

Darling look at me,
I've fallen like a fool for you.
Darling can't you see,
I'd do anything you want me to.
I tell myself I'm in too deep,
Then I fall a little farther,
Every time you look at me.

How do you do that, babe?
Make me feel like I'm the only girl alive for you.
Don't know what it is that makes me fall like this.
First time in your arms I knew,
The way you held me,
I knew that this could be,
What I've been waiting to find.

A Hodge Podge of Applicable Lyrics

So many nights I've prayed for you to say...
"I should have been chasing you.
I should have been trying to prove,
That you were all that mattered to me."
I should have said all the things,
That I kept inside of me,
And maybe I could have made you believe,
That what we had, was all we'd ever need."

I wanted...I wanted you to stay.
I needed...I need to hear you say...
"I love you, I've loved you all along.
And I'm sorry for being away for far too long.
So keep breathing cause I'm not leaving you anymore.
Believe it. Hold onto me, never let me go."

There were nights when the wind was so cold,
That my body froze in bed if I just listened to it right outside the window.
There were days when the sun was so cruel,
That all the tears turned to dust and I just knew my eyes were drying up forever.
And I banished very memory you and I had ever made...
But when you touch me like this,
And you hold me like that.
I just have to admit,
That it's all coming back to me.
When I touch you like this,
And I hold you like that,
It's so hard to believe but,
It's all coming back to me.
If I kiss you like this,
And if you whisper like that,
It was lost long ago,
But it's all coming back to me.
If you want me like this,
And if you need me like that,
It was dead long ago,
But it's all coming back to me.
It's so hard to resist,
And it's all coming back to me.
I can barely recall,
But it's all coming back to me now.
There were hours that just went on for days.
When alone at last we'd count up all the chances that were lost to us forever.
But you were history with the slamming of the door.
And I tried to make myself so strong again somehow.
If you forgive me all this,
If I forgive you all that,
We forgive and forget,
And it's all coming back to me.

God is an Excellent Pitcher

I was completely content with my life, who was in it, and where I was going. In fact, it was everything I've always wanted and I couldn't believe God's plans and mine lined up so perfectly. Then it happened...One day everything fell apart and I didn't know what to do. The shattered remnants of my life surrounded me and I had no idea where to go next. I clung onto what truth I had, and pushed my way through the muck. I finally got myself through the worst of it. I still had days when I ran into sadness, but I persevered. I started making plans for this new path I was on, my plan B. I felt really pulled to teach overseas and leave everything I knew behind. Lately I haven't felt that same pull on my heart. Do you think it's possible God calls us to do something simply to see if we will be obedient; not to actually have us do it? I think He may have done that for me. I finally gave in to God and said "Okay, I'll go. Where do you want me?". Now I feel like God is saying "Don't worry, I'm not really calling you to that life. I just wanted to make sure you'd follow me if I called."
Then out of nowhere, God threw me another curve ball! I will say I'm thoroughly impressed on God's part and I'm very pleased with where I think this is going. I want so bad to be really really happy, but that's still a little premature. I have so many questions and so many thoughts running through my head. I'm hopeful, but moving forward with caution. I hate being scared with things like this, especially with people I love so much. If I trust them, shouldn't I have no fear? If the fear is there, do I really trust them still? I mean, some trust was definitely lost, but enough to bring in fear? Perhaps. At this point I'm just sitting back and letting things happen as they will. It's not my turn to make my move, so I will patiently wait until my time comes. In the mean time, I'm just trying to keep my emotions in check. I have a tendency to get ahead of myself and let my emotions take over. I can't do that this time. I have to keep my head clear and my heart focused. I'm not the type of girl who keeps making the same mistakes. Luckily, I never thought you were a mistake. For the record...I forgive you.

You broke my heart. You walked away, even when I turned back and asked if you were really sure this is what had to be done. I would do anything in the world to make you happy. If that includes not having me in your life then I’ll sit on the sidelines and watch as you take the world by storm. I can’t do anything, not even breathe, without thinking of you and your absence. But, just so you know, I forgive you for every hurt you’ve caused during this time; because I love you. I want you to be happy with all my heart. If you ever decide that you can be happy with me again then I’ll be right here waiting for you. Exactly where you last saw me.