If You See Him...

If you see him, tell him I wish him well.
How am I doing?
Well sometimes it's hard to tell.
I still miss him more than ever,
but please don't say a word.
If you see Him.

If you see her, tell her I'm doing fine.
And if you want to,
say that I think of her from time to time.
Ask her if she ever wonders,
where we both went wrong.
If you see her.

Oh, I still want her.

And I still need him so.

Well I don't know why we let each other go.

If you see her,
tell her the light's still on for her.

Nothing's changed
deep down the fire still burns for him.

And even if it takes forever,
say I'll still be here.

If you see him.

If you see her.

Last Kiss

I still remember the look on your face,
Lit through the darkness at 1:58.
The words that you whispered for just us to know.
You told me you loved me so why did you go away?

But now I'll go sit on the floor wearing your clothes.
All that I know is that I don't know how to be something you miss.
I never thought we'd have a last kiss.
Never imagined we'd end like this.
Your name, forever the name on my lips.

I do remember the swing of your step,
The life of the party, you're showing off again.
And I roll my eyes and then you pull me in.
I'm not much for dancing but for you I did.

Because I love your handshake, meeting my father.
I love how you walk with your hands in your pockets.
How you kissed me when I was in the middle of saying something.
There's not a day when I don't miss those rude interruptions.

So I'll watch your life in pictures like I used to watch you sleep.
And I feel you forget me like I used to feel you breathe.
And I keep up with our old friends just to ask them how you are.
Hope it's nice where you are.

And I hope the sun shines,
And it's a beautiful day.
And something reminds you,
You wish you had stayed.
You can plan for a change in weather and time,
But I never planned on you changing your mind.

Maybe It's Me and My Blind Optimism to Blame

Still Not Over You

Whats up?
I know we haven't spoken for a while,
But I was thinkin bout you,
And it kinda made me smile.
So many things to say,
And I'll put em in a letter.
Thought it might be easier,
The words might come out better.
How's your mother, how's your little brother?
Does he still look just like you?
So many things I wanna know the answers to.
Wish I could press rewind,
And rewrite every line,
To the story of me and you.

Don't you know I've tried and I've tried,
To get you out of my mind.
But it doesn't get any better,
As each day goes by.
And I'm lost and confused.
I've got nothin to lose.
Hope to hear from you soon!
P.S. I'm still not over you.

Excuse me, I really didn't mean to ramble on.
But there's a lot of feelings that still remain since you've been gone.
I guess you thought that I would put it all behind me.
But it seems there's always somethin right there to remind me,
Like a silly joke, or somethin on the t.v.
Boy it aint easy.
When I hear our song,
I get that same old feeling.
Wish I could press rewind,
Turn back the hands of time,
And I shouldn't be telling you...

Did you know I kept all of your pictures?
Don't have the strength to part with them yet.
Tried to erase the way your kisses taste,
But some things a girl can never forget.

Everytime I Hear Your Name

And when the conversation turns to you,
I get caught in a "you were the only one for me" kinda thought.
And your face is all that I see.
I know I can't go back but I still go back.
But when I hear your name,
I feel rain fallin' right out of the blue sky.
And it's the fifth of May,
And I'm right there starin' in your eyes.
And nothin's changed,
And we're still same.
And I get lost in the innocence of a first kiss,
And I'm hangin' on to every word rollin' off of your lips:
And that's all it takes,
And I'm in that place,
Every time I hear your name.

3 Days and Counting

Spring break starts this Friday. Oh my goodness it just can't come soone enough. We haven't had a break in a month and a half and I'm overdue for one. School has been super busy lately. None of what I'm doing is hard, it's just very time consuming. All I know is I'm so excited to go home and rest for a week and a half. I went on trip for spring break the last two years, so I'm okay with just going home. Plus, I've got a ton of stuff planned. I know for sure I'm having lunch with Kelly Fields and I'm in the process of planning a trip up to Purdue with Kelly to see Danielle. I haven't seen her since I was wedding dress shopping... :/ I can't even remember the last time I was at Purdue. My goal is to have something to do almost every day I'm home. I think and hope it will be a good time. I guess I'll find out.

I'm On My Toes from Morning to Night

Busy busy week going on. I've got tons of homework carefully scheduled every night of the week. I've also go my first test in Contemporary Christian Belief on Wednesday. It's a difficult class, but I'm hanging in there. It's significantly better than Historic or Biblical Literature 1&2. The good news it it's multiple choice, so that should help.
I've got a doctor's appointment tomorrow, but that's another story.
Thursday a large group of us are driving to Detroit to see this woman named Andrea Gibson. She's an intense poet that one of my roomates adores! She wanted to go on a roadtrip to see her, and who am I to turn down a roadtrip? It'll be a long day but I'm stoked!!
Friday I have a presentation in my computers class. It's not really that big of a deal, but group projects always make me nervous.
I'm hoping to go to Purdue this weekend to visit another friend, but we'll see if that happens. If not, Brad is coming to visit for two weeks, so he'll be around if nothing else!
I think at this point I'm just trying to take this week one day at a time and stick to my schedule. I should make it through unscathed. Every so often everything in my life condenses into a few hectic days. Sucks, but oh well. That means next week should be a breeze! Hopefully :]

Testing the Water v.s. Jumping Right In

I've been trying to decide if I should go and teach overseas this next schoool year. I kind of feel like God has been pressing this on my heart/preparing me for a long time. This idea has come up on multiple occassions since high school. I'm still not convinced that's where God wants me, but I think it's possible. But most schools require you to sign a two-year contract. I'm not sure I want to commit to something that big when I basically have no international experience. It would be very hard for me to be away from my family for two years.
I talked to Erin Kohl last night about it and she gave me some really great insight into the process of making this decision. I think what I would like to do is find a place overseas where I can spend the summer, or maybe just a few weeks. Either way, the point is to find a place where I can "test the water" and see how I do. I think that would probably be more effective anyways. I wouldn't be a very good teacher if I was so distracted by homesickness.
I'll be looking into some options next week, please let me know if you have any ideas for me!

"Turn It Up." No, More Like "Turn It Down."

Kim Kardashian finally came out with her own song. I'm not at all surprised. I mean, if every other "pretty face" in hollywood can get a record deal, I'm more surprised she hasn't done this sooner. However...her song is awful. It's been said "the heavily flanged Kardashian sounds barely engaged with her own song." Her song has also beed described as "laughably bad and nearly unlistenable." My favorite description of the song goes like this: "What really kills the song are the horrid vocals. Kim coos through the song lifelessly singing about taking shots and dancing the night away at her favorite spot. Is this club filled with zombies? They're the only creatures she's courting with that monotonous tone."

Basically, the entire song is an atrocious, auto-tuned, flop. The lyrics don't even make sense. "I'm going out tonight like I'm paying my bills." What does that mean??? Take a listen for yourself, do you like the song?

For Good

I've heard it said,
That people come into our lives for a reason,
Bringing something we must learn.
And we are led,
To those who help us most to grow,
If we let them,
And we help them in return.
Well, I don't know if I believe that's true,
But I know I'm who I am today,
Because I knew you...

It well may be,
That we will never meet again,
In this lifetime.
So let me say before we part,
So much of me,
Is made of what I learned from you.
You'll be with me,
Like a handprint on my heart.
And now whatever way our stories end,
I know you have re-written mine,
By being my friend...

I Love Animal Videos

Oh my goodness this is soooo funny!!! I was cracking up when I saw it. Hilarious.

Where Fear and Faith Collide

Well all of my options have run dry, oh well. I've decided I need to focus on my relationship with god. He's been trying to teach me so much recently, I love it. I think it's mostly about me trying to let go of the control I have over my life. I don't know where I'm going next but that's the exciting part. I have no clue where I'll end up. I really want to pursue teaching overseas. It's always been something I want to do, but I've always been too scared or found some excusse to not do it. I kinda feel like God is calling me to do this. It would make sense. I mean, I've always felt pulled towards international missions. Who knows, maybe I meet my husband overseas. Erin Kohl did that, and I"m basically living her life a few years behind her anyways, hah. I'm really trying to live by faith and not by my own sight. I'm trying to fix my gaze on God. I'm in the word regularly and praying often. I'm having a ton of deep conversations with people, which led to really great insights. I had no idea how deep some of my friends are. This whole experience shook me alot and caused me to really ask some hard questions and delve into deep topics. I'm feeling very loved and inspired. I feel like something big is about to happen in my life, like I'm on the brink of something amazing. This could be great!