The Moment I Knew

I had a major epiphany last night.

I've been wondering where my life is headed and how God can use me. Last week's sermon at church was about how God can use any of us right now just as we are. I kept thinking, "well that's nice but I don't know the first thing about leading someone to Christ. I'm still struggling with my own sin, how can I be good enough to lead someone else?" Then, through some other people, I was led to read the book "Multiply" by Francis Chan. In the introduction to the book, the author challenges the reader to embrace the fact that we'll never be good enough, blameless enough, clean enough to lead others like Jesus did...but that's okay. We can still further the kingdom despite our shortcomings. The author went on to explain how this book lays out exactly how to equip and prepare yourself to make disciples. I thought "this is exactly what I need in order to feel like I can lead others." Then I realized, God led me to this book and spoke through my pastor in those sermons because he wants me, right now, to be making disciples. I also think that was an answer to my prayer about whether it not I should go toEl Salvador. At this point, I think it's pretty clear I should be going. I think that moment last night will be one of those times I look back and say "that was the moment I knew..."

Whenever You Come Around

"The face of an angel
Pretty eyes that shine
I lie awake at night wishing you were mine
I'm standing her holding the biggest heartache in town
Whenever you come around

I get weak in the knees
And I lose my breath
Oh I try to speak but the words won't come
I'm so scared to death
When you smile that smile my world turns upside down
Whenever you come around


I feel so helpless
I feel like just like a kid
What is it about you that makes my keep my feeling hid
I wish I could tell you
But the words can't be found
Whenever you come around"

What I'm Listening To (You Know What This Means)

"I may never fly you to Heaven with a kiss on your lips
And I may never break your heart or to get to make up for it
I may never see the stars in your eyes from a lover's point of view
Or get lost in the days gone by 'cause I'm so wrapped up in you...

If you could love me and only see the possibility that we could be forever
And could you trust me to forget the consequences that would keep us from being together?"



"Well I've been searching for something true
My heart says it must be you
I'd love to fall and see it through
But only if you told me to
Well I'd run through the desert, I'd walk through the rain
Get you into trouble, and take all the blame
I'd paint you a picture, write you a song
And I'd do it all over if I did it all wrong

I don't wanna steal you away
Or make you change the things that you believe
I just wanna drink from the words you say
And be everything you need
Yeah I could be so good at loving you
But only if you told me to

I've seen a lot of good love go to waste
And I don't wanna look back on these days
Knowing all the things you'd never know
If I never said a word and let you go

Maybe this is something I'll never be
But I'll be right here til you tell me..."




"You've been lookin' for love all around the world
Baby, don't you know this country girl's still free?
Why not me?

Why not me on a rainy day?
Why not me to love your cares away?
Why not me?
Why not me when the nights get cold?
Why not me when you're growin' old?
Why not me?"




"The way you move is like a full-on rainstorm
And I'm a house of cards
You're the kind of reckless that should send me running
But I kinda know that I won't get far
And you stood there in front of me
Just close enough to touch
Close enough to hope you couldn't
See what I was thinking of

My mind forgets to remind me
You're a bad idea
You touch me once and it's really something
You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be
I'm on my guard for the rest of the world
But with you, I know it's no good
And I could wait patiently
But I really wish you would

Drop everything now, meet me in the pouring rain
Kiss me on the sidewalk, take away the pain
'Cause I see sparks fly
Whenever you smile
Get me with those green eyes, baby
As the lights go down
Give me something that'll haunt me
When you're not around
'Cause I see sparks fly
Whenever you smile"




"Maybe its the way that the stars are aligned
That's making me feel this way tonight
Maybe its the words you left unsaid
Maybe its the stardust in my head

But I wanna tell ya, that my heart is bustin' at the seams
Yeah, and I can't wait another minute
Life is short
Love is sweet
Ain't no time like this time, baby

Maybe its the way that the night is still
Or the sound of the rain on my windowsill
That's making all the pieces fit
Making it all make perfect sense"

My Spring

Sometimes I'm really thankful I live in a place that experiences all four seasons. I was walking outside today and felt how warm it was and thought "oh Spring, please don't tease me" haha. It got me thinking about how happy I become when it starts to get warm again and how I'm pretty happy right now in my life. I thought about how far I've come emotionally in the last four months. Then I noticed a parallel between the seasons and the seasons of my life.
As summer came to and end, so did my relationship. I felt drained and dead just like the trees and flowers around me. Everything was lifeless and colorless with no sign of spring in sight, with no sign of healing in sight.
Now here we are mid January and Spring is right around the corner. Although Winter isn't over just yet, days like today remind me that life is coming soon. Healing and restoration come back every year in the form of green grass, lush trees, and warm sun. I'm confident Spring will come in my life soon too starting a brand new season with so many possibilities. My Winter isn't over yet, but my Spring is hinting at it's upcoming arrival. If spring turns the brown grass green and restores the empty trees to their original fullness, imagine how much more Spring can do for me.