It Stops Today

No I don't want to break when I speak
I don't want to shake while I'm standing
I don't want to crawl into another hole
I don't know what I'm hiding for
No I don't want to fall when I stand
I don't want to have to hold your hand
I just want to be the girl I used to be when I was me and worry free
I know these burnings on my own

But I cant keep on running
No I just cant keep on running away from here
I know that the only way to beat it is by fighting my every fear
I'm not going to make it 'til I turn around and face it alone, I know
I can't just keep running, no I just can't keep on running away
so it stop today

So here I am, I'm taking my first step
Thought I was losing balance but I caught myself
I kind of like the challenge, no I don't need help
I'm going to make it past the very start
Its always been my hardest part

A Place in This World

I don't know what I want,
So don't ask me,
Cause I'm still tryin' to figure it out.
Don't know what's down this road.
I'm just walkin',
Tryin' to see through the rain coming down.
I'm alone, on my own,
And that's all I know.
I'll be strong.
I'll be wrong.
But life goes on.
Oh I'm just a girl tryin' to find a place in this world.

This Time

"Maybe it's the way that the stars are alligned
That's making me feel this way tonight.
Maybe it's the words you left unsaid.
Maybe it's the stardust in my head.
But I wanna tell you,
That my heart is bustin' at the seams.
I can't wait another minute.
Life is short, love is sweet.
Ain't no time like this time baby."

Almost Three Weeks Later

After almost three weeks now, I'm starting to get better. For anyone who doesn't already know this, my fiance Jeff and I broke up...for good. We wanted different things for our lives, apparently, and we were heading in separate directions. I'm okay with the decision, it just hurts. It was the right choice though. The hardest thing is talking about wedding things with my roommate and best friend Bree. She's getting married May 22. We were really excited to go through the wedding process together, now I've dropped out of the race. I'm on the lookout for my next boyfriend. I'm definitely not trying to jump into a new relationship anytime soon, but I like to have a goal in mind for when I am ready. I have a couple people in mind, but there are some definite complications. The good news is I'm not in any rush, so things will work out later. At least that's what I'm hoping.

In the meantime, I've created a ton of different playlists on itunes to help better suit my music needs when I'm in different moods. My favorite is "New Interest." This one is filled with a bunch of songs about a new romantic interest. LOVE :] I'm really diggin' on Carrie Underwood's song "Quitter." It's a good one, look it up. This playlist keeps me hopeful that someone else will come around for me. I mean, I'm sure they will, but right here, in this moment, my mind likes to play tricks on me and gives me some doubt.

I've been filling all my time with different websites, lol. I found this thing called "Stumbleupon.com." I'm embarrassed I haven't heard of it before. Anyways, it's a great way to kill HOURS of your life. But it led me to Epic Roller coaster, Dear Blank, Please Blank, and Incredibox...all good. All these things help to keep the sadness at bay. I definitely still love Jeff and I'm not entirely sure those feelings will ever go away. I have no doubts I'll make it through all this eventually. It's the time span in between then and now that I worry about...

"I'll move on, baby, just like you.
When the desert floods and the grass turns blue,
When a sailing ship don't need her moon.
It'll break my heart but I'll get through,
Someday when I stop loving you.
I bet all I had on a thing called love.
I guess in the end it wasn't enough.
And it's hard to watch you leave right now.
I'm gonna have to learn to let you go somehow.
Someday when I stop loving you."